Memories triggered after yoga.

An odd memory entered my mind from when I was in primary school. I was given an envelope (at random) from my primary school teacher written by our new pen-pals. I read the first few lines of the letter, put it back in the envelope and handed it back to the teacher. I told my teacher 'I already have 3 pen-pals that I still write to from previous years. I don't want to write to anyone else. Someone else might like to write to this person.' The teacher wasn't impressed and handed it back. I had to write a letter to this young girl sitting on the other side of the world, possibly eagerly waiting for my snail mail, back before emails were a thing... I remember mixed feelings - offended that the teacher wanted us to have new pen-pals instead of investing time into our previous pen-pals. I felt unheard.

I felt like my time and energy should be spent watering the garden I had 🍃 and I vividly remember that I felt like I didn't have time to have more than 3 pen-pals 🤨 what kind of child thinks like that?! My memory from here is vague, but I think I told my new pen-pal that I wasn't the pal for her 😦 and that I wouldn't be continuing to write due to already having other pen-pals, then suggesting she should ask her teacher for a new pen-pal because I wasn't the right person for her 😔 As an adult, I feel ashamed, horrified, mean and deep sadness for the little girl waiting at the other end for a letter. But as a child, I genuinely remember thinking it was the right thing to do. Being honest, upfront and to speak my truth. Which is so conflicting. This is my first memory of a difficult conversation. As kids, we're taught to play nice, follow the rules, be friends with everyone and speak the truth. But even as kids we know where we want to spend our time and energy and sometimes that means pushing boundaries and hard conversations. There's no real point to this post, just thought provoking observations. I'm assuming this memory has resurfaced for a purpose. Perhaps it's our inner child we should be tuning into more often. Perhaps my inner child has a lot more to say to the adult I am today 🌬 Anyone else have strange memories resurface (particularly after yoga)?✏

#2019 #Life